If you are a dog lover and you are wondering how to fill in your time during the current coronavirus pandemic, well I’m afraid viewing the 1999 documentary Puppy Love presented by art historian Waldemar Januszczak is not the answer.
A curious title given that for 50 minutes, Januszczak snarls his way through a canine critique and it’s not clear which he despises more, dogs or their owners. He visits a dog show which he regards as incorrigibly eccentric and he considers breeding practices to be the canine equivalent of eugenics practised by the Nazis. “We breed them until their heads look like misshapen Halloween pumpkins (often to the detriment of their health), we cut their bollocks off, we send them to a doggy psychiatrist and still most of them won’t do what we want them to do. The message appears to be that we love dogs, but not for themselves, it’s for the prestige they can bestow upon their owners.
We witness dogs defecating. He is particularly annoyed at dog owners who treat his local park as a public toilet, and he scoops up some dog shit with a spoon and takes it to a laboratory for analysis. We are presented with a list of nasty diseases it can cause and yes, dog shit can make your baby go blind.
He visits the proud owner of the world’s heaviest dog, a 130 kg British Mastiff. We see the certificate the owner received from the Guinness Book of Records – with flies crawling across it. We are told that averaged across the entire population, the British spend 50p per dog per day on dog food, 50p a day would keep a family of 3 alive in Angola.
He speaks with a clinical psychologist who has some unflattering opinions about dog owners, but you’ll have to watch the program to find out what they are.
He interviews a RSPCA inspector who admits to be driven to tears at home after witnessing instances of cruelty against dogs. There was the famous case of the celebrated Kennel Club judge Jennifer Bosson, who was sentenced to 4 months jail and banned from keeping dogs for life after being convicted of cruelty.
He visits a Korean restaurant and eats dog meat (yuk!). Needless to say, it is heavily spiced. This staggers me somewhat because it’s my understanding that dog meat contains vast quantities of vitamin A. When the Australian Antarctic explorer Douglas Mawson lost all his supplies down a crevasse, he was left with nothing to eat but his huskies. The vitamin A almost killed him. And which part of the dog do the Koreans cook, you may be wondering? All of it.
Dog show eccentricity?
We witness a castration (ouch!) and Januszczak describes the practice as pest control.
To the strains of Elvis Presley singing ‘Old Shep’ we visit a dog cemetery and witness a funeral. Januszczak talks to a grieving owner who said she couldn’t stand the thought of her pooch being buried at home. Which is fair enough, but the exercise is expensive. For some reason, watching this segment took me way back in time to the demise of my beloved cat from childhood. Shortly after I got married I found out that it had been “put down” by a vet after being savaged in a possum fight. She was quite old by then and afterwards – well she was left with the vet. To be disposed of, I guess. This has always bothered me so I won’t be too sarcastic about the concept of pet cemeteries.
K-9 from Dr Who. The perfect substitute?
At the end of the program, there is some consolation for dog owners when we see footage of dogs being trained in rescue work in Korea. Strangely, there is no mention in the program of the incessant barking which has always been my bone of contention (pun intended) with dogs. Then again seeing-eye dogs don’t rate a mention, nor does the consolation dogs can provide to the elderly.
Gustave Courbet, Nude Woman With Dog, 1868
But if at the end of my days all I have is a dog, then I think I’d rather die alone.
Puppy Love is available on Vimeo On Demand